Children and happiness
February 29, 2008 Leave a comment
There's been an interesting discussion this week in the lefty blogosphere about research that suggests having children does not make people any happier– in fact on average, a little less happy, than their childless peers. The discussion was largely inspired by this article in Reason (the premier Libertarian publication) and I first came across it thanks to Ezra Klein's take. Nick Bailey's Reason article, is ostensibly about declining birthrates in first-world nations, but its the subheadline that makes it interesting, “Why are People Having Fewer Kids? Perhaps it's
because they don't like them very much.” Here's the heart of the children and happiness argument:
overall happiness and have consistently found that children have only a
small impact. A small negative impact,” reports
Harvard psychologist and happiness researcher Daniel Gilbert. In
addition, the more children a person has the less happy they are.
According to Gilbert, researchers have found that people derive more
satisfaction from eating, exercising, shopping, napping, or watching
television than taking care of their kids. “Indeed, looking after the
kids appears to be only slightly more pleasant than doing housework,”
asserts Gilbert in his bestselling, Stumbling on Happiness (2006).
Of
course, that's not what most parents say when asked. For instance, in a
2007 Pew Research Center survey people insisted that their
relationships with their little darlings are of the greatest importance
to their personal happiness and fulfillment. However, the same survey
also found “by a margin of nearly three-to-one, Americans say that the
main purpose of marriage is the 'mutual happiness and fulfillment' of
adults rather than the 'bearing and raising of children.'”
Gilbert
suggests that people claim their kids are their chief source of
happiness largely because it's what they are expected to say. In
addition, Gilbert observes that the more people pay for an item, the
more highly they tend to value it and children are expensive, even if
you don't throw in piano lessons, soccer camps, orthodonture, and
college tuitions. Gilbert further notes that the more children people
have, the less happy they tend to be. Since that is the case, it is not
surprising that people are choosing to have fewer children. And if
people with fewer children are happier, then people with no children
must be happiest, right? Not exactly, but the data do suggest that
voluntarily childless women and men
are not less happy than parents. And they sure do have more money to
squander as they try to pursue what happiness they can and strive to
somehow fill up their allegedly empty lives.
I'm enough of a social scientist to know that I should not generalize from my own experience, but rather that I should just accept that I'm an anomaly, by truly deriving so much happiness from my children, but I just cannot help but wonder if these studies aren't missing some fundamental piece. Good lord parenting is hard– and tiring, and restricting, and frustrating (yes, I could go on), but the joys from it are so overwhelming that it is no comparison. As a social scientist, I cannot help but see this question in cost/benefit terms and yes, the costs of parenting are quite high, but the benefits are quite literally like nothing else in life. Am I really so rare in that? I don't value my children because they are expensive (though, I'm not foolish enough to think I am immune to universal psychological biases), I value them because so many of their actions– from a simple smile, to any word Alex or Evan says, to David's endless questions about science– are tremendously psychologically rewarding to me. Am I really so unusual or might some alternative measures of happiness better capture this.
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